Getting It Right

When are women going to once and for all put down the boxing gloves and realize that we aren’t in this race against each other? On a daily basis I see magazine articles and TV specials about working moms versus stay-at-home moms. One side is always pointing the finger at the other. Who is right and who is wrong? I can tell you the answer right now. Everyone is right and no one is wrong. The anger and turmoil inside women over this issue doesn’t have a thing to do with what we think is right or wrong. It has to do with our own guilt and self-reproach, our doubts about whether what we are doing is the right thing for our family. I guess that’s the key. What’s right for our family? The answer is different for everyone. Many times I have been in a group of people where the question inevitably comes up.. “so, what do you do?” When I reply that, for the time being, I am a stay-at-home Mom there are various replies. A common response is “that’s nice” rapidly followed by the conversation shifting to someone else. Why is that? Do they think I have nothing to offer the conversation other than that of strained peas and how to get silly putty out of the carpet? (Incidentally, WD40 works nicely on that last problem.) I mean really, if I were talking to a mother who also happened to be a doctor, I wouldn’t expect that the only thing she could converse about were surgical procedures and gastrointestinal symptoms. Surprisingly, I actually can carry on a normal conversation with other adults on a wide variety of subjects. The other frequent comment I hear when I say I am a stay-at-home Mom is “I wish I could afford to stay home.” What I really want to say back to them is “I wish I could afford it, too!!” I mean, we live in a tiny brick ranch (that is 50 years old!) in a working, middle-class neighborhood. We don’t drive new cars and we don’t vacation at the Hamptons. I volunteer at my kids’ school 2-3 days a week and there are times when I am standing in the middle of 30 loud kids and paint flying all over the place and wonder what in the hell I am doing? But then I look at my daughter’s paint-smudged face smiling at me and I know she’s glad that I’m there and I know why I made the choices that I have made. I guess that brings me back to my main point. It’s all about choices. I chose this but I understand about wanting something more for yourself as a woman. I understand about not wanting to be defined simply as a “mother.” What I also understand though, is that this is the most important job I will ever have and I don’t have any other choice but to get it right. So we do what we do and we choose what we choose in order to get it right. It’s different for everyone. It’s never easy. But it might be easier if we quit pointing the finger at one another and formed a cohesive unit with one common goal-getting it right.

Quote of the Day- The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated." -William James